yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
