Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
