When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
