Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
