alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
