so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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