fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
