I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
