drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
