I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
