Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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