they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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