Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
