So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
