she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
