Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
