My Higher Power is John Stamos
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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