Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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