Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
