Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You did what with his pubic hair?
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