It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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