not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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