she was so not down for the gang bang
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
