Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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