We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
