all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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