I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
