Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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