Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
