I accidentally burped into my bong.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
