Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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