Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
