He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
