Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
