He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
