I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
