Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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