Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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