tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
