my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
