do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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