The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
