i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
