i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
