omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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