Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
