we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
