He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
