My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
