oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
