I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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