just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize