Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My penis needs a shock collar
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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