no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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