So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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