Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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