i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
