I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
