he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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