Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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