I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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