Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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