So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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