Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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