your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
