woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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