Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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