just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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