I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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