Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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