I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
