unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize