My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
ok first of all what the fuck
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
