His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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