What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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