Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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