what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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