I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
